omgwtf!

I unabashedly and unapologetically stole that title from Yaz. It’s the best phrase evar.

I was just kind of looking at this blog and my MySpace page and realizing that I really am lamest. Man, I have to update all this shit, dont I? Holy crap.

My therapy is going really well. I’m starting to feel all kinds of things that I haven’t felt in many years and this past session was incredibly eye-opening and a really, really good session. I want to give a shout-out to the woman who is my therapist. She’s fucking great at what she does. She really is. I really, really admire her a great deal, and I totally lucked out when I finally, at long last found her. I strongly suspect that the only thing we have in common is that we both happen to be female, but she wades right in there and she gets things and pulls things out of nowhere that are simply fucking astonishing and that someone with lesser skill simply could not do – and boy, do I know that from personal experience. But this is totally different, and I’m unbelievably grateful that I found her.

This is relevant here because since I’ve started therapy with her I feel like I’m kind of waking up from a very long, very exhausting slumber, which is good because that’s exactly what’s supposed to happen. In fact, lots of things that I know are supposed to happen with good therapy are happening, and that’s compounding the gladness and excitement I feel about the therapy in the first place. But waking up and looking around also means seeing exactly what kind of shit I’ve gotten buried in and realizing that I’m going to have to find ways to dig out of it.

I’m starting to do that in some extremely important ways – see the credit card entry below – but this past session over the weekend showed me something I never before realized and something which explains a phenomenally large part of the anger I’m constantly feeling, and the instant she said it it felt like…like chains came unbound or something. I can’t explain what I mean or how it felt because I’m still way too dulled from that slumber to be able to write well at all anymore (for now), but I can tell you that the feeling has lasted for almost three days now and it’s something I’ve been constantly thinking about. And yes, it ties in directly with this website and I am lamest because this website is a boring pile of shit. :O! I mean, I like the colours and stuff (which is something, I guess), but I haven’t updated linkzorz in a million years and there’s no real personalization to it, is there?

Yeah, more stuff to think about as I continue to wake up. I start things and then I abandon them and now for the first time EVER because of this past therapy session, I’m beginning to start to see why I do it. I really am. And I’m tremendously excited and hopeful at the prospect that this will not only continue, but get better and better and better.

This is fucking great. I am lamest! But I’m getting better :D

No cart for me!