omgwtf!

What is there to say, except…thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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Okay, here’s another thing. I’ve heard this several times over the past two weeks or so, mostly from the types of folks you’d expect to get this kind of thing completely and horrifyingly wrong, and I feel moved now to correct this apparent and rather alarming misconception here, as far as I am able, since for the most part those sorts of people dont tend to read this blog. By that I mean my friends read this journal, and they all have brains. But on the off chance that someone of another ilk stumbles by, this is for you.

PSA: When a woman is pregnant, she is not fat. She is pregnant, you inbred moron.

Also, the baby is not located in a woman’s stomach. There are a number of very important reasons why a stomach would be a bad place for a fetus, beginning with digestion.

When a woman is pregnant, the fetus is located in her womb, more correctly known as the uterus, and if youre going to fucking talk about pregnancy and foisting your own spiritual beliefs on everyone else as though you have the god-given…and I do mean god-given…right to impress your will on everyone else on the planet, can you please get it right before you spout off about it in any way? Because not only do you look like an ignorant fuckwit, but you piss me off.

This stuff is pretty basic, people. Snap out of it, won’t you?

Thanks ever so much.

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I haven’t done it so much lately in recent years because it’s hard as hell to find a really nice used book store in southern California, but one of my favourite pastimes is to spend hours and hours in used book stores, perusing the shelves for such literary treasures as youd never find at a Barnes and Nobles or on Amazon.com. Plus, old bookshops just smell better. I could just sit and breathe in one all day long.

Between that and the fact that you can get the most amazing tomes youve ever clapped eyes to for ridiculous prices…I have a copy of Ivanhoe from 1895, complete with gold leaf edging, that cost me a whacking great five bucks…I can’t think of a better or more enjoyable way to pass the time than meandering through the stacks of a truly great used bookshop.

(wait, I can explain…)

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My last post involved a piece of prose attributed to Andy Rooney, singing the praises of older women. Because it was so unlike him, I was pretty surprised that he’d write something like that, and so he was incredibly sexy to me. That is, until about five minutes ago, when the lovely and talented Mu sent me the following gmail:

***

I thought this entry from the Urban Legends Reference Pages at snopes.com might interest you:

http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/rooney2.asp

this article summarizes it, but i’ve found other evidence to support its conclusions. didn’t sound right to me. sorry, thought you should know

Urban Legends Reference Pages: Politics (In Praise of Older Women)

***

This makes much more sense to me, since Andy Rooney never really struck me as the sort of bloke who would have enough intelligence to say the things that were said in praise of “older women,” as mentioned in my previous post. So, in light of this new and much more in-character information, he has been relegated back to his previous status of ugly White man (but at least he’s honest, and you cant really say that about many people these days, can you?).

The real author of this piece is a gentleman by the name of Frank Kaiser, and his piece, “Women over 40: Why Older Chicks Rule” is a good piece and true, regardless. What’s amusing is that Frank is often described as the “Andy Rooney of the Internet,” which may be where the whole mistaken author thing came in in the first place. Frank is a dude who runs a website for older folks, wears a hat that says “Geezer,” and writes articles like “When Will AARP Grow Some Balls?” He’s now incredibly sexy to me, especially after perusing his Suddenly Senior website. I sense a kindred spirit there.

I’ll have to spend more time browsing his rather large site, but at least on the surface he seems like a pretty cool, raunchy older dude who is intent on flipping the bird at old age. I cant help but admire that. There’s no reason to ever be old, regardless of how long you live. Plus, judging from the number of sex articles on the site, he’s a right horny old pervert. :beat: I especially enjoyed this article.

I’m happy and delighted to stand corrected on this count and give proper credit where credit is due. After all, it’s not very encouraging seeing something you wrote become popular and then not only be attributed to someone else, but then to realize that that person doesnt actually even believe in the sentiments of what you wrote. The best you can say about Andy Rooney in this case is that he never accepted the credit for it. He might be a cock, but he’s an honest cock. And he does have some good stuff to say. He always amused me. He has a wonderful ability to turn a phrase.

Nevertheless, Perhaps Mr Rooney might want to ask himself why he doesnt particularly admire women over a certain age. I can only assume that rejection hits him particularly hard.

Thanks for the update, Mu!

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The very last couple lines say it all. Brilliant.

Women over 40: Why Older Chicks Rule by Andy Rooney from CBS “60 Minutes”.

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, “What are you thinking?” She doesn’t care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it’s usually something more interesting.

A woman over 40 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 40 give a hoot what you might think about her or what she’s doing.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it’s like to be unappreciated. A woman over 40 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn’t trust the guy with other women. Women over 40 couldn’t care less if you’re attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won’t betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. They always know.

A woman over 40 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one! You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons.

Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart,well-coiffed hot woman of 40 , there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free”, here’s an update for you. Now 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage.

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I really, really admired Shelley Winters. She had big round balls and yet somehow she remained a class act. Plus she was really an awesome actor.

What we need to do is invent a sort of vampire machine, so we can go around sucking the life essence out of useless individuals like Lindsay Lohan and Justin Timberlake and Paris Hilton and 50 Cent…kind of like the devices in Tank Girl you stabbed people with that extracted all the moisture in a person’s body and converted it to water…so that we’d be able to give the life essence to people who actually have talent and are worth keeping around.

I figure if we could extend the lives of those folks by getting rid of the folks that dont do anyone any good at all, it’d be kind of a win-win situation all around, wouldnt it? I for one wouldnt have minded if Shelley had stuck around making films for another 50 years, you know?

Man. I wish I was more mechanically apt.

Good night, Shelley. Thanks for everything.

CNN.com - Actress Shelley Winters dead at 85 - Jan 14, 2006

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First of all, this is what you get when you A) dont read the news, and B) buy shitty, low quality food for your dog.

Secondly, if your dog suddenly stops eating his or her food for no reason out of the blue, and starts begging you for other food or stealing food on their own, don’t force them to eat their regular food anyway. They’re smarter than you. They have better noses. There’s a reason theyre not eating. Feed them something else, for chrissake. Dont disguise the poison to make it more palatable.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Dog Deaths Surpass 100 Despite Toxic Pet Food Recall - Yahoo! News

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Too bad the pathetic excuse for a human being who thought it was perfectly all right to throw a living animal into a bonfire to “get rid of it” wasn’t inside the fucking house when it went up, so he could feel what it’s like to be roasted alive.

He lost everything he owned. If you ask me, he got off easy.

Mouse Thrown Into Fire Sets Home Ablaze - Yahoo! News

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As you may or may not have heard by now, there is a lovely new 0-day Windows exploit that has cropped up in the past few days.

To nobody’s surprise, Microsoft has yet to come up with an answer to plug up this vulnerability. It’s always amazing to me how a company as vast and wealthy as Microsoft can always manage to take so incredibly long to address issues that need to be handled instantly, if not sooner…but all these other guys on the web that they try to discredit all the time are right there a day or two later with not only all the info you need, but fixes, too.

In their security advisory, meantime, Microsoft has released a pretty lame temporary workaround…unregistering a specific dll…which really doesnt do much to protect you at all. I’m sure the Windows team is working feverishly between lunch breaks to address this issue. In the meantime, as I am wont to do in all such instances, I turn to other, more reliable sources to cure what ails me, as a long-suffering victim of Microsoft.

Steve Gibson is quite possibly the most trusted geek on the Internets, or he is to those in the know. He’s a fucking genius, for one thing, and for another, what he doesnt know about online security could fit on the head of a pin. If Steve sez it, I’m prone to believe him. Therefore, it was with no small delight that I discovered his Security Now! Notes for Episode #20, which addresses and offers a much safer, more reliable patch for this most recent Windows vulnerability. I need to listen to his weekly Security Now! podcasts…I always forget he has them.

Anyway, Steve recommends you head on over to Ilfak Guilfanov’s HexBlog and download his system checker and the temporary patch he wrote, which he explains here. I would also recommend you read the comments on both the patch page as well as the page the vulnerability checker is listed on. The comments other people have made on both pages could be useful to you if you run into any problems. Also, if you use Lotus Notes, this article could prove useful to you.

Keep in mind that this patch can only be used to secure Windows 2000, XP 32-bit, XP 64-bit, and Windows Server 2003. You should remove it after…when and if, that is…Microsoft releases the official patch, but only after you’ve waited a couple of days and done some reading to make sure that their patch actually works instead of breaking your system, which is all too often what actually happens. Never trust Microsoft to get anything right the first time round, or you’ll be sorry. This patch can be removed just by going to add/remove programs in the control panel. Simple as that.

All Windows systems are vulnerable to this exploit, even systems that are fully patched and up to date. If you’re on a Windows system, I would recommend you apply this patch as soon as possible and keep your eye peeled for any new exploits this vulnerability spawns before an official fix is put out.

And people wonder why I hate paying Microsoft for anything.

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People snicker at me because I dont like to go anywhere on New Year’s Eve, or even leave the house once the sun goes down. When they ask me why, I tell them because you’ve got a bunch of morons here who think that shooting their fucking guns into the air is a great way to celebrate.

Well, here you go. Ask this chick how funny she thinks it is.

People are incredibly stupid. I stay away from large groups of them as much as possible, most especially on holidays like New Year’s and Fourth of July, which is the worst of all. Not only do they have an excuse to get drunk out of their minds and handle explosives, but they also get to parade their xenophobia around proudly, under the guise of patriotism. Eventually enough alcohol will be absorbed to goad them into driving around in their pickup trucks, stopping only to assault anyone who isn’t a fat, white, drunken podunk male. Nowadays, you are especially at risk if you look even vaguely Middle Eastern. And by vaguely Mideastern, I mean that even the Japanese are unsafe from these knuckle-dragging paragons of American virtue.

Go out and celebrate? No thanks. I can barely tolerate ‘em sober and on TV. I’ll stay indoors, where the roof stands a good chance of absorbing any stray bullets that come along…or at least slowing them down enough to significantly reduce their potential penetration into my delicate brainpan. The best line in this story, though:

“Police hope the person who fired the shot will turn themselves into authorities.”

Nice.

local6.com - News - Bullet Falls From Sky Into Woman’s Face

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