omgwtf!

It’s been pouring rain here for the past 24 hours. Thunder, lightning, the works. Pretty nice. A soothing backdrop for sadness.

I am experiencing a phenomenon which I have christened “free floating creativity.” Ever feel anxious and distressed for no reason? You know, free floating anxiety? Well, free floating creativity is when you have overwhelming feelings of creativity and you have absolutely no idea what to do as an outlet. Nothing you do gives you the slightest satisfaction, everything you try to do comes out all wrong somehow; grotesque mockeries of the sparkling, fragile beauty dancing tantalizingly, maddeningly out of reach in your brain, and you can’t seem to produce a single idea as to how to release all the pent up imagination. It’s a horrible position to be in; like youre on the edge of what you just know woudl be a full-body, mind-blowing orgasm but you just…can’t…make it.

This is the brink upon which I’ve been perched for a good number of weeks; quite probably the entire summer so far. If I could just have one inspiration, something that I can really sink my teeth and claws into and which would be really creatively satisfying, it would break this dam and I’d be on my way. But somehow, it’s not happening. It’s like when I’m having a particularly bad time with my sinuses and both nostrils are firmly plugged up to protect me from any dangerous oxygen that might be in the vicinity.

How to break through this? If you have any ideas, I’d love to hear them. In the meantime, I sit here re-reading the news and thinking about Spruce and trying to come up with something that matters.